Again, I have to experience the same situation as I had fifteen, ten and three years ago, not exactly the same feeling, however it's all about dealing with new place, new environment and new people, yes new work place, new office.

In September 1995 I walked in to a public service office which was a government facility after spending 4 years working in a private practice. I have forgotten how I felt, but I think it was not easy. Later in 2001 I moved to another office which was an education institution. That one was kinda easier step, I had been familiar with that new place because I was one of students there. And now I am jumping into another new place, a bigger one but toughest than before.

One thing that I learn from all those situations is that as a new people I tend to have a difficulty to adjust with other people, I am not a social butterfly, yes I have been a loner. Well, a work place is a territory, and the people working in there have always marked their own territory, therefore whenever there's a new comer get in to their territory they will show "signs" to tell you "be careful with my territory".

Yeah it's not so easy...because not everyone shows welcoming sign...

I believe that life is all about achievement, no matter how big or small it is, as long as we could accomplish good things, so life would be more meaningful. Some may think that they never reached something in their lives, just because they are not rich, do not have great career, have to juggle their unhappy family and boring social life and so on, however they may have forgotten that they also can do things better to their lives even in miserable situation.

I used to think that I am nothing in this world, nobody would notice that I was ever existed, yes I was a depressed guy who looked at this world as a premature hell, until I realized that I still have my God, my family and my friends who by their sincere love gave me strength to be able to chin up and face the world with courage. When I say a prayer, I silently believe that there's mysterious power that always lead and protect me, anytime I see my family or spend time with good friends, I then just know that I am somebody, at least I am always being somebody for them.

I don't have much money, great job, not to mention a fancy car and house, I have nothing in material, yet I am not poor though, I still can pay my bills, for now it seems to be enough for me, because I know I have been accomplishing good things in my life. However there would never be a "great accomplishment", yes I believe that, because life is a never ending process, only the death will stop it. Rather I just know that I should accomplish good things every day by giving smile to everyone I know, do good deeds, follow the rules, and so on. Yes it would sound cliche but some of us just may have forgotten that doing good things is a good accomplishment that would make life more better.

I suppose that everybody has every right to choose him/her own best thing on the pathway of life, no matter what others may think about the options he/she takes.

Recently, I have chosen a kind of different way than the path I used to walk in. Yes I used to pave a way that drowned me into a misleading comfort zone. The zone where I was lost in false hopes and a no future happiness.

So that I just shifted my direction and said goodbye to some party goers that I used to hang out with. I told them that I am getting too tired to be under the rainbow spotlight merely because it did not lead me anywhere.

However, I have not gone too far, I am still around, I don't change my postal address or mobile phone number, I only replaced my glasses which made me see from different point of view.

Then the problem comes when not everyone can see from my new perspective. Some now look at me like an odd man from unknown planet, just because I no more talk in their language and I don't dance anymore at their parties.

Once again, I have chosen my own direction that I believe it will take me to the right destination. The consequence has been pretty painful. But once I move forward, no way to turn back.

I feel like no more energy to write on this blog, in fact, I got no much time to share my thoughts, my ideas, my feelings here..yeah..I've been worn out..really

It has been a while since my last post, indeed...time flies so fast somehow...and now after being stuck on irrational acute laziness..I just wanna say :

HAPPY FASTING TO ALL MY FELLOW MUSLIMS


I'll be back to write more soon

It is clear that our modern era has been marked by people's dependency to all kind of substances that produce energy. It seems that we all would become nothing without gasoline and all types of its derivation. Many of us might be suffering from "quality of life degradation" caused by lack of sources of energy that can lit their lamps, their stoves, and power their vehicles.

*sigh*.......I agree that human kind has reached an ultimate achievement in technology, which automatizes almost every action in life, reduces many efforts that can be done to produce many things, yet increases laziness and promotes sedentary lifestyle among us.

Having said that people have been highly relying on fuel as energy source, it has been significantly supported by the Indonesian current situation that has been shaken by protests, rallies, debates, disputes that fueled by fuel price rise. All TV stations have been showing the pictures of crying people, yelling people, conflicts and chaos. I am sure that all of them have been worried that their life or merely their people's life may under a threat of increasing poverty rates, of being suffered by losing their ability to maintain their "hedonistic" material life.

I would never blame on people who fight for their relatives or their nation prosperity, since I believe that every single person of us has every right to live in a good life. Yet I shall never agree with those who ignore the spiritual and ethical ways to fight for materialistic stuff. We should not sacrifice our insanity and harmonious living environment for something that can be tackled and or solved by more elegant attempts.

We all have brains, we all have hearts, souls, spirits that can be functioned as the instruments to amend the quality of life. I am aware that we all are given by such an ability to maintain our balance in life by improving the spiritual strength, I believe that even though  we were poor, we still could develop happiness through the spiritual contemplation, which has been acted by sacred people or the saints.

I know we are not the saints, most of us just regular persons who love money, love indulgences. Yet, we still have to remember that there are things beyond material stuff...Happines can come from a healthy spirit, A more harmonious life environment usually develops from more spiritual citizens.

Therefore, please consider to re-fuel our spirits (there are many ways to do this), so hopefully we won't get lost in the middle of chaotic situation caused by fuel crisis.

It really felt irritating when I saw an old friend's online pic. My friend looked happy on that picture side by side with a nice cute young bloke. At the first glance I knew that they are a happy couple. However it gave me a thrill. It's kinda unexplainable feeling.Well, I met this friend some time back in 2006, and we spent much good times together, I thought there was a good chemistry, but then it was so wrong. We never turned up something romantic, even it brought me to a confusing conclusion.

Such a confusing yet enlighten conclusion when apparently I found out that I had been kinda trying too hard to get loved. I was kinda overconfident that I got any qualities to be someone admirable either adorable. And then it seemed that I merely forgot that love is not always about the look, the personality, and all the attributes we have. I forgot that love is an absolute mystery.

Frankly I got a bit down, it was feel like that something wrong with me. I thought that there should be something bad in me that may turn anyone off. I spent a night looking at my face in the mirror, flashing back to all my past time  trying to find  any flaw  in my  attitude. And I ended up  blaming on  everybody  who had wasted the chance to be loved by me.

Nonetheless, a flash came to my mind in sudden crash. I realized It was totally fallacious to blame others for my unfortunate. I believe as always that love comes in mysterious ways. And if there's nobody comes along to love me, it's not because I don't deserve to be loved, It's merely because I am simply me. I trully believe that I am special and a special love is always there for me. It will come at a very special time. And I know that I am always loved by my family and my friends, no matter what I have done, so unconditional love.

Thanks friends.

These days, many of Indonesians might have been sick of exaggerated unimportant news about  the dying Soeharto a.k.a fake-smiling faced dictator, the ex-president. However, we can still see that many people worship and admire this old man like he is a saint or God's prophet. Not to mention some ladies who turned insane, screaming crazily in front of TV crews, oh what a drama.

Those might have forgotten how violent was the Soeharto regime. I can't accept silly arguments regarding how succesful Soeharto was. How he had dramatically change economics development indicators during new order era, or many reasons that have been used by "Soeharto vassals". It 's merely because I believe in "that's what a president is for", nothing special with president and his success in economics or country development.

Yet it doesn't mean that I don't pay any respect for that, but I don't see that we should make it overrated. Just bear in mind that it's the president's job to make the country and the people get more prosperous. So no points to make a president become a messenger of the almighty God. Nonetheless it would sound ridiculous to pay so high tribute to someone who was so violent.

Why I keep believing that Soeharto regime was violent and cruel?. Many evidence can be investigated about physical repression that had been done during new order regime, which had been revealed but constantly denied. In addition there is a more serious damage caused by Soeharto regime fault. This kind of violence can be identified by looking at existing social system in Indonesia.

It's not  too difficult to recognize the proof of structural violence that has been seeded by Soeharto. Just open the eyes to the contemporary urban community environment, nothing convinient to live in the Indonesian cities. Only those who are rich can enjoy all comfortable facilities, and there's no space for poor people and lower class population for enjoying life, no supportive social structure that can make communities from all levels and backgrounds to live in harmony.

So it's obvious that many people have forgotten that we've ever had a violent leader.

O Holy Night

O Holy Night! The stars are brightly shining,
It is the night of the dear Saviour's birth.
Long lay the world in sin and error pining.
Till He appeared and the Spirit felt its worth.
A thrill of hope the weary world rejoices,
For yonder breaks a new and glorious morn.
Fall on your knees! Oh, hear the angel voices!
O night divine, the night when Christ was born;
O night, O Holy Night , O night divine!
O night, O Holy Night , O night divine!

Led by the light of faith serenely beaming,
With glowing hearts by His cradle we stand.
O'er the world a star is sweetly gleaming,
Now come the wisemen from out of the Orient land.
The King of kings lay thus lowly manger;
In all our trials born to be our friends.
He knows our need, our weakness is no stranger,
Behold your King! Before him lowly bend!
Behold your King! Before him lowly bend!

Truly He taught us to love one another,
His law is love and His gospel is peace.
Chains he shall break, for the slave is our brother.
And in his name all oppression shall cease.
Sweet hymns of joy in grateful chorus raise we,
With all our hearts we praise His holy name.
Christ is the Lord! Then ever, ever praise we,
His power and glory ever more proclaim!
His power and glory ever more proclaim!

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year